I can't believe it's almost been two years since I've updated my journal! My life has been pretty insane up until two weeks ago--- summer break has amazing effects on one's free time.

How on earth can I bring you up to speed? Do you even care? Let's see-- we'll just hit the highlights.

- I'm still in the great state of Texas, working on my Master of Divinity degree at SWBTS
- I suffered heartbreak August 2008 (as evidenced by some morose poetry)
- I have a sweet gig as a nanny for a wealthy family
- I'm an auntie now. Emma Rose was born in October 2008.
- I'm a Resident Assistant in the dorm, but will soon move into my first HOUSE!

I suppose those are the most important events of the past months. Now you're up to speed. The real reason I'm writing is just to announce that I'm going to start back writing the Sam and Kate series, just to get back into the hang of fiction writing. Eventually I'd like to write a novel, so this is good practice. I hope to post one new entry a day. That's my goal. Hold me to it, will ya?

Ecclesiastes is one of my favorite books in the Bible, probably because it's ridiculously depressing. This part from chapter two seems to pretty much sum up my life: "The best that people can do is to eat, drink, and enjoy their work. I saw that this comes from God, because no one can eat or enjoy life without Him."

Update on my employment issue-- I have a job. Woohoo and all that jazz. Seriously, though, it's an answer to many prayers. I am America's newest blue-collared college graduate. I am joining the feudal system of upper education: I owe the school money for living and learning here, so I work for the school at just a hair over minimum wage in order to pay off my my ever-increasing debt. So I started this past Tuesday working on the Culture Care Crew, which is a special name for the weeding/trimming/planting division of the landscaping department. It's not just plants, either. I get to clean out the fish pond filters, pick up trash on seminary property, nice things like that. There are two other girls in the landscaping department: one does all the office work, and the other maintains all the indoor plants. Lucky for me, in this modern day and age, men no longer discriminate between genders. I got put on a crew of guys, and I'll be expected to pull a man's share of work. I enjoy physical labor, I like the outdoors, and I get to hang out with Koreans. What more could I ask for in a job?

In addition to my landscaping job, I've managed to schedule four hours of tutoring a week-- for Korean kids. The pay is good, the work is enjoyable, and did I mention that the pay is good? So with two jobs, a careful budget, and lots of prayer, I have within $20 of what I need to survive every month. Isn't God amazing?

If you feel bad for me, please realize that my sarcastic complaining is really just that--sarcastic. I'm not really all that poor, I'm not starving, and I'm not at my rope's end. I'm just not as comfortable as most people like to be, and it's amusing to me in a strange way. What'll put it in perspective is this:

[link]

This is just the men's side of a night shelter here in Ft. Worth. I talked to two ladies who've lived here for over five years. Sleeping on a mat on the ground amidst hundreds of strange people, having just the belonging you can carry with you, eating only the food that strangers serve you--- for five years. Puts in in perspective, doesn't it? I mean, I haven't done a whole lot to deserve the comfort and security I've enjoyed my whole life. In fact, I've probably done more to lose it than to keep it. It doesn't make sense to me that some people have these things and others don't. I'm still figuring out what to do about it, how to reconcile these things in my mind and in my world. I'm thinking about writing (here we go again) a book about homeless people--- not facts and statistics, but their lives, their stories, their hopes, dreams, fears, and woes. I think that it'd be a cool project. I'll get back to you on it.

Eat up, drink up, and have fun at work, 'cuz that's about all there is, yo.
-Solomon, Tina translation

"Welcome to the Planet.
Welcome to existence.
Everyone's here.
Everybody's watching you now.
Everybody waits for you now.
What happens next?"

That was the song that played as we filed out of high school graduation. Of course, back then, I figured that my life would be pretty extraordinary. It has been to some extent so far, but it's extraordinary in a very different way than I imagined.

I thought that I was doing the right thing by going to college. That was a step forward in the right direction. So now is the time, I suppose, to take the proverbial two steps back. I've been trying to find a part time job since the middle of August. I applied for a church secretary position and it looked hopeful; two weeks later, I had to squeeze it out of them that they'd hired someone with more experience. My apparent lack of experience in the professional world is like the mark of Cain when it comes to finding a job. It's not like I've never worked in my life. I've had part time work since I was fifteen, but for some reason, it doesn't seem to pan out. I never had the right kind of jobs, I haven't acquired the right kinds of skills, I don't have the right kind of experience. I've been in a small company, doing everything from inventory, to cashier, to food prep, to displays, to packing gift baskets, to cleaning the toilets. I've worked in a summer camp (which in my opinion should count as military training), and I've worked in a children's home (which could count as running a school and a bed and breakfast simultaneously). I worked for minimum wage at an on-campus job where I helped edit hundreds of essays (but that doesn't count as editorial experience for some reason). I've volunteered with hurricane relief, doing construction work like roofing, drywalling, carpentry, plumbing, and painting (but that doesn't count as professional experience). So even though I've been employed for seven years, I basically have no job experience that will interest anyone. My application makes an interesting read, but it quickly finds its way to the shredder without so much as a phone call.

I'd like to address a few things to employers. First of all, freakin' call people back. It takes like five minutes. You should call everyone that turns in an application just because it's the professional thing to do. You shouldn't accept applications if you have no intention of hiring anyone. That's just mean. Do you know how long it takes to fill out those stupid applications? Secondly, your applications suck. Do something about it. How on earth is anyone supposed to write the name of a college, it's address, and phone number on a 10 pt. font line three inches long? Even if I could write that small, would you even be able to read it? Make the spaces dad-gum bigger. Retards.

What I hate about job applications (other than their futility) is that they want to you brag yourself up so big, yet beg pitifully for employment simultaneously. I mean, if I really had all this going for me, would I be competing with highschoolers for part-time employment at the mall? Why do I want to work for your company? Do you really want to know? I don't freakin' want to work in a mall, dammit. No one does. It's a last resort, the sewers of the employment world. It's insulting to my dignity. I have a bachelor's degree. I have seven years work experience. I'm not mentally or physically disabled, I have a relatively friendly attitude and good work ethic. I have a reasonable schedule and I'm flexible. Why on earth do socially-inept highschool dropouts with poor hygiene have jobs and not me? *shakes fist at heaven* I guess I'm just too educated, too white, too competent, too morally/socially responsible to be employed in the general workforce.

Whatever. A job will come. I can trust God to provide for that. In the meantime, I like to rant. Just know that I'm not giving up hope--I'm just railing against the system because it sucks. Its looking more and more that my lifelong dream of starting a t-shirt company might actually be the most viable option, which is freaky. I'll start taking orders today. My advice to you, dear reader, is if you're still in college or haven't gotten there yet, bail NOW. Get a job at Walgreens or McDonalds. That'll get you further than a degree anyway, and it's a lot less money and work.

I had an epiphany.

I have a BA in English with a Creative Writing concentration= I should be making $$ for writing.

How? I have no earthly idea. I decided that I won't learn this stuff by osmosis, so I forced myself to stumble out into the harsh world of internet publishing. I found a wonderful thing called craigslist that posts writing jobs just about every day. I e-mail them with queries (I also found out how to write queries online... egad, I'm such a loser!), and rumor is that they might write back. They will probably tell me to get lost. On the off-chance, they might give me money to write things for them. What a novel idea. What an article/column idea, too.

So I'll let you know if it works. For someone who makes a C-note a week and will be out of a job in one week exactly, even ten or fifteen bucks here and there would be like manna from God. I'm trusting Him to provide for me, but I think He's giving me a kick in the pants to put my hand to the plow. Hand to the pen, whatever.

The likelihood of my getting published in anything reputable right off is pretty slim. So be prepared to see my name attached to cheesy articles in some pretty tacky e-zines. It's not like a have a reputation to protect--or standards to adhere to. My wallet is fixing to be hungry. What's a writer to do?

The Idea: To write a poem or piece of fiction based on each of these topics.

I saw this going around and thought I'd give it a go, since we could all use a little exercise now and then. I've heard that it's good for you.

1. Introduction [link]
2. Love [link]
3. Light [link]
4. Dark [link]
5. Seeking Solace [link]
6. Break Away [link]
7. Heaven [link]
8. Innocence [link]
9. Drive [link]
10. Breathe Again [link]
11. Memory[link]
12. Insanity [link]
13. Misfortune[link]
14. Smile [link]
15. Silence [link]
16. Questioning [link]
17. Blood [link]
18. Rainbow [link]
19. Gray [link]
20. Fortitude [link]
21. Vacation [link]
22. Mother Nature [link]
23. Cat
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
26. Tears
27. Foreign
28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Standing Still
43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tales
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
99. Solitude
100. Relaxation